The highlight of my day today was receiving an e-mail. An e-mail that put all of my problem-solving capabilities to work. An e-mail that proved that I am needed. An e-mail with a simple subject. At least, I assume it had a simple subject. I never made it past the subject line. It went a little something like this:

Immpoortaant aa hefty 5sausage righht awaay

I'm not sure what this means. I might know had I read any further into the e-mail, but I doubt it. Here are a few things I could gather from what I did read:
1.) This person desperately needs five processed meat tubes.
2.) They are typing with a keyboard that is so mired in filth that the keys stick.
3.) He or she is a recovering alcoholic.
4.) Regardless of the conventional wisdom against fatty foods, this person is on the road to a heart attack.

As far as I can tell, this e-mail was a cry for help. It's a shame I could not get around to helping them, but I was too busy assisting Russian male order brides with enhancing their penis length. I am only one man.