Does anyone have a reasonable explanation why there are state welcome centers in the middle of the state? I don't know why I never noticed this before, but on the way to JMU there are at least two welcome centers for the state of Virginia. If you are on either of the roads going to JMU from my house (66 and 81), you are already well entrenched within our miserable state. You've probably passed up on quite a few welcome centers already. Why, then, would anyone want to stop at one forty-five minutes within state boundaries? I mean, asides from the repulsive bathroom that smells like just enough lemon air freshener to cover the fact that it hasn't been cleaned in eighteen months, or the vending machines that six times out of seven steal your money or else dispense only half a cup of scalding hot shitty coffee. It's not the brochures, I'm sure, because if you're a visitor, you probably picked them up at your first welcome center on the trip, and if you're a resident, you've used those Luray Caverns brochures for at least one papier-mâché homework assignment in your elementary school days.
Another thing I've always wondered about are those stupid Calvin stickers that rednecks inevitably have on the back window of their pickup trucks. You know the ones. Calvin is doing some variety of the following: pissing on a logo of another kind of car, having sex with a beautiful woman who is at least eighteen years his senior, or waving his middle finger which, if the rules of proportion are to be believed, is at least as big as his abdomen. I'm a huge Calvin and Hobbes fan. It's probably my favorite cartoon strip of all time, and I can honestly say that Calvin would never do any of the above things. He can't drive, so why would he care about car makes or models. He's a member of G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid of Slimy Girls, for those of you who can't remember), so he's obviously not into the fairer sex yet, and in many comic strips, he's shown with normal sized hands, no abnormalities at all. So where did these stickers come from? Is it just the rednecks of the world forcing their passions of urination and sexual behavior and profanity upon the rest of the world? Is it Calvin's evil twin? I don't have the answers, and I imagine neither does anyone else, but hey, that shouldn't stop you from brainstorming up a few fake ones.
Another thing I've always wondered about are those stupid Calvin stickers that rednecks inevitably have on the back window of their pickup trucks. You know the ones. Calvin is doing some variety of the following: pissing on a logo of another kind of car, having sex with a beautiful woman who is at least eighteen years his senior, or waving his middle finger which, if the rules of proportion are to be believed, is at least as big as his abdomen. I'm a huge Calvin and Hobbes fan. It's probably my favorite cartoon strip of all time, and I can honestly say that Calvin would never do any of the above things. He can't drive, so why would he care about car makes or models. He's a member of G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid of Slimy Girls, for those of you who can't remember), so he's obviously not into the fairer sex yet, and in many comic strips, he's shown with normal sized hands, no abnormalities at all. So where did these stickers come from? Is it just the rednecks of the world forcing their passions of urination and sexual behavior and profanity upon the rest of the world? Is it Calvin's evil twin? I don't have the answers, and I imagine neither does anyone else, but hey, that shouldn't stop you from brainstorming up a few fake ones.
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