Crocodile Rock

I'm watching Animal Planet right now, as I'm known to do when I'm both bored and there's nothing else on TV. You can usually rely on this channel to provide a show where a moron tries catching a 10-foot snake, or another moron goes swimming with a 10-foot shark, or two guys go chasing a 10-foot rhinocerous. My point is, the 10-foot animal on the show right now is the crocodile, which is a big hit on this network. I'm sitting here, waiting for the two male crocs to fight (you only watch these shows in case A.) they show two animals fighting, B.) they show a predator feasting on an unsuspecting softer animal, or C.) some idiotic human goes near said predator smelling like sweat and hamburgers), when they cut away. "NO!" I shouted, even though no one could hear me, becaue I was pissed. Expecting that they cut to something cooler, like the crocodiles challenging each other to a deadly game of pool or something, I keep watching like a sucka. They then show some male and female crocodiles, lined up, and ask "Are they hot or not? Who's going to make the grade?" and it's finally happened. The original reality show has merged with the newest incarnation, and the animals have their own dating show. Finally, instead of panning back to the two male crocodiles, both at least ten feet long, who were getting ready to fight, they show two crocodiles mating, which is not an image I want in my head next time I am in the presence of anyone. This is preceded by "the female sinking below the man and starting a tender act which will last upwards on an hour," and suddenly I wish I had a girlfriend who was part crocodile. Since I don't, and that pisses me off, I think I'm going to turn this off now.