I hate rapcore, or whatever that newer style of music is called. You all know what I mean, that screaming, heavy guitar, fake rapping style of music started by Limp Bizkit and continued by the Deftones and Korn and Linkin Park and all those other worthless interchangeable bands. I find their music incredibly trite when it is discernable against the mumbled garbage that passes as white rap. I couldn't agree with Ben Folds more that these whiny motherfuckers have nothing to really be upset about. Sure, this is a big blanket statement, and some of this stuff is probably decent, but I have yet to hear that stuff. Anyway, since most people who read this site probably agree with me, and don't regularly check in with these artists, I present for you...
A run down of what's going on in the world of rapcore band websites
P.O.D. couldn't get www.pod.com because it was taken up by a pod company, which is, quite honestly, a horribly frightening idea for a company. It's all the same, because the picture on their website is obviously a mistake. How did that geeky white boy, who is most likely named Jimmy or Todd, end up in that picture? P.O.D. should proof their pictures way more carefully before allowing hte world to see them, or else anybody who happens to wander near them might end up displayed all over the world wide web.
At The Korn Kamp, you can discover that Korn bills themselves as "the biggest band in the world". Now, no matter how you look at this, it's a false statement. If they mean big as in "popular", well, obviously, even an act like David Hasselhoff has them beat there, as his worldwide fans turn out in throngs to hear his dreamy vocals and see his sun-bleached visage. If they mean big as in "most members in the ensemble", they may not get beaten by the Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players, but Parliament Funkadelic, with it's 30+ members can kick Korn's ass anyday. If they mean big as in "fattest" band in the world, one guy from The Fat Boys would probably be able to eat a majority of the members of Korn without batting an eye. So which lie are you propagating, Korn?
Also, who names a site that is supposed to be really badass a "kamp"? I mean, that makes it sound like Korn is a daycare service for the other rapcore artists illegitimate children.
At Stain'd.com, they teach us how to properly use an apostrophe. Just kidding! They don't know that kind of thing! However, they DO know how to flash animate all the piercings that one can possibly get on their face so, umm, enjoy!
On Linkin Park's website, you can get your fair share of screaming insanity, if, say, you need to scare off some rabid weasels that are attacking you near your computer speakers. Mingled with the screaming, you can listen to the pansy British accent of a band member plug other parts of the site. Yippee!
Apparently, Puddle of Mudd's website lets us get an inside look at the band members. One could never know that Wes prefers "real baggy things so the boys can hang loose downstairs" or that Doug loves his dog Brando. Sigh, hopefully the Puddle of Mudd pinup in next month's Teen Bop magazine will capture this softer, sensitive side of the band.
Well, there you have it. That's what's going on in the world of pissed off white boys these days. I just saved you all the headache of visiting these sites yourself, so I expect some thanks. You know, like money. Or comments. Whatever.
A run down of what's going on in the world of rapcore band websites
P.O.D. couldn't get www.pod.com because it was taken up by a pod company, which is, quite honestly, a horribly frightening idea for a company. It's all the same, because the picture on their website is obviously a mistake. How did that geeky white boy, who is most likely named Jimmy or Todd, end up in that picture? P.O.D. should proof their pictures way more carefully before allowing hte world to see them, or else anybody who happens to wander near them might end up displayed all over the world wide web.
At The Korn Kamp, you can discover that Korn bills themselves as "the biggest band in the world". Now, no matter how you look at this, it's a false statement. If they mean big as in "popular", well, obviously, even an act like David Hasselhoff has them beat there, as his worldwide fans turn out in throngs to hear his dreamy vocals and see his sun-bleached visage. If they mean big as in "most members in the ensemble", they may not get beaten by the Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players, but Parliament Funkadelic, with it's 30+ members can kick Korn's ass anyday. If they mean big as in "fattest" band in the world, one guy from The Fat Boys would probably be able to eat a majority of the members of Korn without batting an eye. So which lie are you propagating, Korn?
Also, who names a site that is supposed to be really badass a "kamp"? I mean, that makes it sound like Korn is a daycare service for the other rapcore artists illegitimate children.
At Stain'd.com, they teach us how to properly use an apostrophe. Just kidding! They don't know that kind of thing! However, they DO know how to flash animate all the piercings that one can possibly get on their face so, umm, enjoy!
On Linkin Park's website, you can get your fair share of screaming insanity, if, say, you need to scare off some rabid weasels that are attacking you near your computer speakers. Mingled with the screaming, you can listen to the pansy British accent of a band member plug other parts of the site. Yippee!
Apparently, Puddle of Mudd's website lets us get an inside look at the band members. One could never know that Wes prefers "real baggy things so the boys can hang loose downstairs" or that Doug loves his dog Brando. Sigh, hopefully the Puddle of Mudd pinup in next month's Teen Bop magazine will capture this softer, sensitive side of the band.
Well, there you have it. That's what's going on in the world of pissed off white boys these days. I just saved you all the headache of visiting these sites yourself, so I expect some thanks. You know, like money. Or comments. Whatever.
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