Adam Sandler Blows

I'd like to submit, for anyone who reads my website, the following: Adam Sandler is the worst thing to happen to the movie industry. Period. Sure, he was funny in Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, but they were pretty clever movies. Almost everything since, and ESPECIALLY his latest stuff, has been successive loads of flaming dogshit baggies heaped on the moviegoing public's doorstep. On top of that, they all seem to end with some kind of passionate courtroom/baseball game/iced over lake scene where one of the main characters gives a 100% cheese monologue about how they've changed their ways. Let's break it down thusly:
- Mr. Deeds - Not the worst movie ever. Watchable with some small bits of schmaltz in there. Not clever by any stretch of the imagination, and it relied a bit too heavily on creepy humor (John Turturro, mostly) and cheap sentiment for my own sense of well being.
- Eight Crazy Nights - The low standard by which I judge all other movies. Every time I see a bad movie since I saw this, I compare it to ECN. It's like saying how many degrees Fahrenheit water is above the freezing point. I didn't think I was soulless enough to go to a comedy and not laugh at least once, but I didn't bank on a movie being this maliciously awful.
- Anger Management - I just saw this after reading that it wasn't as bad as it looked. However, if that was the case, it must have looked like someone had vomited in my shoe and then put it on without wearing any socks, because that's about the only visual imagery I can think of off-hand that remotely touches the horror I felt after watching this load of garbage.

I know that somewhere in there lies Punch-Drunk Love, but I'd like to bet that that was a big-time fluke and that, in retrospect, Adam Sandler probably wishes he did some comedy about a sewage worker who helps the elderly or some shit. I also know I'm going to take some heat for lumping all of Adam Sandler's crap in with The Wedding Singer, because that wasn't as horrible as the rest, but it still wasn't a good movie, and it wasn't Sandler playing his usual puerile self, so that helps it out a little. If anyone can change my mind about this, feel free, but as far as I can tell, the only thing Adam Sandler does right is look like Dan.