Haircuts
I've weighed in on haircuts before, but after today's, I have a few more things I'd like to add to the list of things not to do while giving me a haircut:
- If you know, for a fact, that your mastery of the English language is strained at best, skip the small talk and try your damnedest to expediate the hair cutting process, to get us both out of an awkward situation as soon as possible.
- Do not look at my hair, and say "your hair is long, like a girls." That's not going to make me want to come back for repeat visits. It's going to make me want to start peeing while sitting down. As a general rule of thumb, stick with self-esteem boosters.
- Do not say "uh oh" and laugh mischieviously. That's not a funny joke. A funny joke is "A skeleteon walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop." Your joke is what we call "not a joke."
- Along the same lines, do not cut my hair, look at my head, and say "hmmm" with a perpexed look on your face. My head is not tapestried with algebraic formulas, do not treat it that way.
- Upon completion, do not look at my head, look at me, and say "Yeah, you can live with that." That's not a vote of confidence. I can live with no arms, but that doesn't make it desirable.
- Do not inquire into my sex life. Above all, do not fill me in on YOUR sex life, especially the part about the hooker laughing at you.
- If you know, for a fact, that your mastery of the English language is strained at best, skip the small talk and try your damnedest to expediate the hair cutting process, to get us both out of an awkward situation as soon as possible.
- Do not look at my hair, and say "your hair is long, like a girls." That's not going to make me want to come back for repeat visits. It's going to make me want to start peeing while sitting down. As a general rule of thumb, stick with self-esteem boosters.
- Do not say "uh oh" and laugh mischieviously. That's not a funny joke. A funny joke is "A skeleteon walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop." Your joke is what we call "not a joke."
- Along the same lines, do not cut my hair, look at my head, and say "hmmm" with a perpexed look on your face. My head is not tapestried with algebraic formulas, do not treat it that way.
- Upon completion, do not look at my head, look at me, and say "Yeah, you can live with that." That's not a vote of confidence. I can live with no arms, but that doesn't make it desirable.
- Do not inquire into my sex life. Above all, do not fill me in on YOUR sex life, especially the part about the hooker laughing at you.
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