There IS such a thing as a free lunch!
Today I get to go to a sales pitch for American Express banking services at 12. In return, I get a free sub from Quiznos and a soda. I'm trying to formulate some good questions to ask to make the sales rep feel like a chump, seeing as how I have no intention whatsoever of buying anything or signing up for anything. So far I have:
- in the middle of his sales pitch saying "Oh, I forgot to ask before, but can I get pickles on my sub?"
- "isn't American Express also a credit card?"
- "what do you have against Subway or, say, Arby's?"
- "what's the best way to secure a 1/4" threaded drywall screw into particle-based surfaces?"
- "is it over yet?" repeatedly
I probably won't actually ask any of these, because I'm only a dick in my head, and not in reality. It would be fun to see him flounder a little, though. Damn him for bringing me free food, and all that.
- in the middle of his sales pitch saying "Oh, I forgot to ask before, but can I get pickles on my sub?"
- "isn't American Express also a credit card?"
- "what do you have against Subway or, say, Arby's?"
- "what's the best way to secure a 1/4" threaded drywall screw into particle-based surfaces?"
- "is it over yet?" repeatedly
I probably won't actually ask any of these, because I'm only a dick in my head, and not in reality. It would be fun to see him flounder a little, though. Damn him for bringing me free food, and all that.
8 Comments:
It doesn't matter what you ask him as long as you ask it as loud as you can. (Like your best Howard Dean in Iowa impression.) That way you can still make him squirm without actually being mean.
03/23/2004 11:43:25 AM
By
Anonymous, at 12:34 PM
He was actually pretty nice. I would have felt bad if I was an ass.
03/23/2004 01:06:07 PM
By
Anonymous, at 12:34 PM
One time this guy tried to sell me a "French" nail manicure system at the mall. Apparently it cleans, buffs and shines all your nails. He told me he used it on himself, even his toes. Then he asked if I would like to see them.
The best part was, he thought I would say No.
03/23/2004 04:25:34 PM
By
Anonymous, at 12:35 PM
Because I am a dick in my head AND in real life, I'm going to correct the grammatical gaffe in your last paragraph.
You mean 'founder,' not 'flounder.'
And I only know this because I just read about it last week.
03/23/2004 04:34:40 PM
By
Anonymous, at 12:35 PM
AJ, it's going to take a calvary, a roll of duck tape, and some bob wire to keep me from slitting your larnyx.
Plus, I totally meant "flounder". The guy was a merman.
03/23/2004 05:11:45 PM
By
Anonymous, at 12:35 PM
:::Making sure not to get in the middle of AJ and Steve:::
So...um...how was the sub?
03/23/2004 08:19:54 PM
By
Anonymous, at 12:35 PM
Speaking of mermen...it might have freaked him out slightly if you had starting singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" from the Little Mermaid (you know, the Sea Witch's song) in the middle of his speech. Just start out really quietly and keep getting louder until you get the that line that says, "All I need...is YOUR VOICE!" and stand up and point at him. I don't think he'd want to give his presentation anymore.
03/24/2004 01:27:52 AM
By
Anonymous, at 12:36 PM
I wish I had a shell necklace that contained someone's voice. I'm going to see if I can add that to my Amazon wishlist.
03/24/2004 11:28:45 AM
By
Anonymous, at 12:36 PM
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