A Question for the People

Off the top of your head, what are three things you'd like to see more of on this website?

UPDATE:



Anything else?

P.S. Requests for porn will have to be denied, as I'm doing this at work, and most synagogues aren't very porn-friendly.

UPDATE 2 - ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

Check out some pictures from last week's ice show here. My favorites are these two:





UPDATE 3 - WITH A VENGEANCE:



Never let it be said that I don't know how to keep the people happy.

Day Off, Pt. 2

I had Friday off. I have today off. I had a four-day weekend. It was awesome. I don't miss work at all. Tomorrow is going to suck. I feel sorry for all you suckas who are stuck at your desks.

Best Fake Ad Ever

Go here to see the funniest ad that Nutragrain will never use. Thanks to Couchwad for the find

Hypothetical Ice Capades Post

So MAYBE my mom got free tickets to go see that Ice Capades that I made fun of this week, and MAYBE my friend Jena and I ended up going, and MAYBE it was really cool, in a geeky sort of way. Potential insights at the event may or may not include the following:
- it was named after John Hancock Financial Services, which was named after John Hancock Declaration Signer, which makes more sense
- the ice show actually have resembled my momma's ice capades, as my momma was there with me
- Michelle Kwan was given the Most Caring Athlete Award in a superfluous pre-event ceremony, which is easily on par with the Golden Globes for lamest award you can win
- the first standing ovation (of many) of the night occurred four minutes in
- if more events included a dueling banjos ice-skate-off, I might enjoy more nights out
- if I was going to do an ice skating number to the song Rocket Man, I would end the act with me ripping off my flamboyant costume to reveal a jet pack, and I would soar away into the rafters streaming confetti and $100 bills
- the best part of the night was the Bud Light-decorated zamboni

The success of this night has led me to compile a new list of "things I'd like to see on ice". This list includes:
- wildlife safari
- Harlem Globetrotters game (picture coming soon)
- a Gallagher performance
- paintball
- Saturday Night Fever
- breakdancing - this one was done tonight, towards the end
- a Civil War re-enactment

Jena took a lot of pictures on her digital camera, and she is getting them to me soon, so I'll post the cream of the crop on here, when I get them. As much as I hate to admit it, I had a pretty damn good time. Let the good-natured ribbing begin.

Bowlin' in the Wind

I went bowling yesterday for the first time in probably a year. Back in my heyday, when I bowled twice a year, I considered breaking 100 to be awesome. Once, by some divine twist, I scored a 175, and thought I had really made it in the world. Last night I started out strong, with a 144 (not bad, after a year with no practice). The second game, I scored a disappointing 102. Not to outdo myself, the third game I scored a whopping 68 points. That's less than my previous lowest score ever even if you reverse the numbers. Usually I suck my first game and get increasingly better. Last night, I think my arm muscles burnt out early in the game.

Passover Fever!

So it's Passover this week, which is a Jewish holiday in which all food must taste like dirt. Seriously, it's so disgusting, since nothing can be baked with corn syrup or yeast or any of the stuff that makes food good. Anyway, I personally don't keep the holiday, seeing as how I'm about as far removed from my Jewish roots as I can be short of carving a pentagram in my forehead or wearing a sash and talking about the oneness of all things, but I work in a synagogue, and they are sticklers for the Jewish holidays for some reason. Luckily, I can sneak out and eat a cheeseburger, or a piece of toast, or guzzle a bottle of corn syrup if I so desire. And I do.

Things That Bother Me in the Men's Room

I'd say the title makes this one pretty self-explanatory:

- when people don't flush the urinal; how much effort does that REALLY take?
- when stall doors and stall door locks do not properly align
- people who walk out without washing their hands/try to shake my hand in the near future after walking out without washing their hands
- on the flip side, people who take a preposterously long time washing behind every fingernail, inside every line of their palm, and deep-cleansing their cuticles
- guys who pee with one hand in a weird place (on their hip, on the wall above the urinal, in my pockets, etc.)
- let's focus on that hip thing real quick, because it really weirds me out: does putting one hand on your hip give you a feeling of superiority over the toilet water, because otherwise, what's the point?

That's about it. This could be funnier, but I don't want it to be. Proper bathroom etiquette is NOT a laughing matter.

Chairman of the Board

I just did what every red-blooded American should do on their typical night off...watched the Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson classic Chairman of the Board and ate half of a bag of potato chips. I don't care what anyone else says, no one out there is more pathetic than yours truly.

Also, any movie which is recommended to fans of the movie Leprechaun 2 is doomed to start, really.

Good Enough for Moses, Good Enough for Me

My car won't shift out of park. I need to get it towed and, eventually, repaired. Yet another reason I won't miss having a car in Chicago.

Speaking of Chicago, now that I have a few Chicago-ites reading this site (and more who may well live in other large cities), I have some questions to ask that you all might be able to answer:

a.) how far in advance should I start apartment-hunting?
b.) same question, but replace "apartment" with "job"?
c.) anyone know any offices that need bitches in the Chicago area?
d.) how is it, getting around a big city without a car?
e.) what area of Chicago is the awesomest?

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated, as well.

Hellboy? Hell yes.

I saw Hellboy today. I want to start off by saying that anyone who does not enjoy big-budget superhero movies with 1% realism factors will hate this movie. However, for those of us who DO love those kind of movies, this is pure cinematic gold. It has just about everything you can want from a good mindless blockbuster: evil Nazis, devil spawn, thin plots, unexplained characters, Rasputin, zombies. You name it, it's there. It felt like they tried to cram every plot in the history of action movies into one film, and I appreciated that. Ron Perlman was awesome as Hellboy, a superhero who has no apparent powers other than being big, fireproof, and able to spout one-liners at an alarming rate. There was also (and these are the names we gave them, because they were better than the real names) Fish Man, Fire Girl, and Geeky Dude. Add all this together, and you get one awesome movie. I'll probably go see it again, or buy it on DVD. Go check it out if you're in the mood for a fun movie.

Tonight's Lineup

Aveo at 9 pm
Death Cab for Cutie at 10:30
Ben Kweller at 12

I can't wait!

P.S. Anyone know who Aveo is?

UPDATE: The concert was totally awesome. We missed Aveo, but DC and BK rocked face, in their own respective ways.

Also, this was just in my junk e-mail folder, and it made me laugh:

Yes Pheromones! The Human Love Scent

Yum

I forgot to eat breakfast at the house this morning. Instead of going hungry, I searched the freezer here, and found an ice-covered generic brand hot pocket in the very back with no markings on it. I made it. It turned out to be a steak and cheese pouch, and now I am full. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling whenever a story like this has a happy ending. At least, I hope it's from the story, and not food poisoning. Does food poisoning feel fuzzy?

Chinese Food Thursday

Okay, it's Chinese Food Thursday, so I have to pose a few questions:
1.) Who was General Tso, and was he some sort of Army chef who just rose through the ranks?
2.) How is it that one piece of chicken in Chinese food, when examined in a cross-section, can contain both light and dark meat?
3.) How do Chinese restaurants always find Asian workers, no matter what part of the country they are located in? You can be at a food court Chinese restaurant in downtown Oklahoma and still find an Asian person working the counter.
4.) Why do some foods taste completely different (but still good) when cold? I'm talking Chinese and pizza here.
5.) If rice is so cheap, why did the expensive potato catch on as the vegetable of choice in the US?

Any answers to the above questions would be greatly appreciated.

UPDATE:



I just thought this entry needed a picture.