You know how you can hear a song and it brings back a memory, and sometimes you just get the slightest hint of a memory, but not neccessarily a full-blown memory? I love that. It's not really a specific thing that you recall, but you just kind of get the feeling that you should be remembering something. A few examples:
- I heard Insane in the Membrane today in the car on the way to school, and for some reason I pictured myself at ten years old sitting on my grandmother's couch watching MTV. I don't know how cool it is that I associate a song involving excessive drug use with my grandmother's house. I think that makes me a big square.
- Does anyone else remember the band Big Audio Dynamite? I heard a song by them today, and I got this vague impression of happiness. I think something good happened to me when that song was playing. I hope it was something sexual. That makes it way cooler.
- The other day, I Need a Hero came on the radio, and I got really pumped for some reason. I couldn't figure out why until this morning, when I remembered the scene from Short Circuit 2 when Johnny 5 gets all beat up, but then his antenna goes up and he controls the remote controlled airplane that attacks the bad guys.

I can't think of any more off the top of my head, but it's a phenomenon I thought was worth mentioning. Do you guys have any of these kind of songs?

I went to Georgetown yesterday, for kicks, with Mandy and Cheryl. It wasn't the most eventful trip, but having not been to Georgetown in some number of years, I did make a few observations:
- after a big rain storm, the canal in Georgetown smells like raw sewage which, I imagine, is unplanned
- there is some type of inverse ratio between the amount of clothing a person wears when they jog and how utterly repulsive they are
- the more expensive a pizza is, the less likely it is that it will A.) have sauce on it, B.) taste like anything resembling food, and C.) not make your breath smell awful
- small used CD stores are only cool if they aren't in trendy areas (unless you want to buy used CDs of Whitney Houston and Chumbawumba)
- if you are driving in front of a lady with a poodle and you hit your brakes for any reason other than the second coming of Christ, you will most likely get honked at (this includes red lights, downed trees, and any other variety of messiah)
- paying $38 for a t-shirt is perfectly alright if the t-shirt is made to look like a thrift store t-shirt from the 80s, and you can't find these t-shirts in actual thrift stores
- chocolate can, and does, cost upwards of $90 a pound in places

Ahh, Georgetown. See you in two or more years, if I really have to.

Why can't they make envelopes with pleasant-flavored glue? The flavor they currently use is somewhat like licking a plastic grocery bag, without the pleasant side effects*. Would it be such a huge expense to add a few teaspoons of vanilla extract or a bottle of grenadine to each gigantic vat of sealing product? I doubt it would take much to make the taste even slightly more palatable. How about it, Pitney-Bowes? What say you, Quill Office Supply? Here, here Top Flight! Think of your loyal customers, those of us drudging away at our desks 8/5 out of 24/7.

*Side effects are not guaranteed, results may vary, this offer not valid in Kentucky, Colorado, or North Dakota.

Life Plans

Work sucks. I've got to find some other way to survive the rest of my life without working anymore. Here's all I've got so far, in a handy, four-step list:
1.) find rich relative (or steal someone else's)
2.) find a way to make rich relative really like me
3.) stage mortal accident for rich relative
4.) reap benefits while taking drugs to quell my moral outrage

If you, too, want to have success in life at little to no expense, feel free to print this list out and paste it onto a handy wallet-sized index card.

Next week's lesson:
How to make and laminate handy wallet-sized index cards.

Drixoral is for suckas!

I took cold medicine before work today, thinking that perhaps it would, you know, cure my cold. Ha! I scoff at you, Drixoral! Not only did it NOT cure my head cold, it actually amplified almost all of the symptoms I have. So, while I no longer have a stuffy nose, I can't keep my eyes open, and when I do, I hallucinate that the can of Coke on my desk is a giant walking cylindrical monster. I'm scared for tomorrow, when I have to come in and see all the work that I fucked up today in my medicinally-induced haze.

UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!
Good thing I'm not actually doing any work today. It saves me from corrections.

This looks like it's going to be one of the most awesome movies ever. Here is a brief synopsis of the plot:

Imagine, if you will: Elvis (Bruce Campbell) is tired of fame, so he switches places with an Elvis impersonator. The impersonator dies and, now stuck in a nursing home, the real Elvis can't get anyone to believe his true identity. To make matters worse, he must fight off an evil mummy with the help of a fellow inmate (Ossie Davis) who thinks he's JFK.

Sweeeeeet.

First off, I am such a huge Bruce Campbell fan. He hasn't really been able to let his true potential shine since Army of Darkness, but he has more of said potential in that film than most other movie stars.

Second...it's Elvis and JFK fighting a fucking mummy! Come on!

Most disturbing thing I saw this weekend, or in quite possibly my entire life: a Brownie uniform covered in blood or some other red substance wadded up on the side of the road. I can't even speculate on what happened that would bring about this combination of things, but any way I look at it, I don't like it.

Man, it seems the trend these days is to write serious stuff on websites. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I don't want to burden anyone with what is going through my head, because I doubt anyone really knows the true depths of what I think about. There's a lot about me that I keep bottled up, things that I just don't want to share with anyone. Things that people might not want to hear, and things that would change people's perceptions of me. Laying that all out on my website might be too painful of an experience.

Having said all that, I was just kidding. I'm truly and honestly as shallow and nonsensical as I come across. My darkest secrets involve my loathing for peanut butter and a general fear of women and commitment. Sorry to get all your hopes up.

I don't really have anything important to say right now. I just wanted to post something so that you don't see George W.'s ugly mug as soon as you load up my site. I'm not in this whole website thing to scare the faint of heart.

UPDATE:
The top of his head was still showing, so I'm adding a little more to the post. Here's a picture of a real American hero:

Photography at its worst.



Photography at its best.

Have you ever had to make a lot of copies of anything, and just stood around while they were copying? And while you were standing around, did you happen to catch a whiff of the aroma of hot copier toner? And while you were smelling the brisk odor of toner on the air, did you kind of like it? And did you find yourself standing around the copier more often while other people made copies so that you could smell them? And have people told you to stop standing around them as they made copies, because it kind of creeps them out? And, trying to dissaude them from leaving the copier, have you made up a lame lie about just passing by on the way to the water cooler, and that they should disregard the fact that you always get a drink of water whenever they are making copies? And do you sometimes find yourself at home wishing you could make some copies so that you could get your fix? And over the course of a weekend, do you find yourself getting the shakes from a lack of toner coursing through your nostrils? Do the shakes stop you from doing normal activities, like driving a straight line and signing checks?



Oh yeah? Me either.

More and more I find myself thinking about Chicago. The more time I spend with people who I know are moving out there (see: Dan and Krissy, and quite possibly Christina in a few years) and just thinking about other people who might be out there (you know, Caitie, and Bill, and Couch, etc., etc.) makes me really excited. I keep thinking how similar our lives will be to some lame-ass sitcom where a bunch of friends live around each other and do nothing but hang out in coffee shops and have wacky misadventures, except without the lame-ass part. I've had it up to here (I'm pointing at my forehead, but you guys can't see that since I'm not right in front of you) with the state of Virginia, having lived here for the better part of my life, if you can call it "better" having lived in a tobacco-and-Nascar-ridden wasteland. Chicago will be a fun time for all involved. If anyone else wants to or plans to move out there to, let me know. The more the merrier! If we get enough regular cast members, maybe we'll get our own spinoff show.

I highly recommend that everyone goes out to their local movie theater and catches Lost in Translation. This movie has quickly entered my top ten movies of all time. It's a really fascinating character study of two people who think they have love but find out they are more lonely than ever. I can tell I like a movie a lot by the way it resonates within me after the movie is over, and I can't stop thinking about this one. Do yourself a favor and go see it as soon as possible. It's fantastic.

Okay, new top five list, for anyone who feels like participating. I'm curious as to everyone's top five movie characters of all time. Here's mine, in no particular order:
1.) Jack Sparrow - Pirates of the Carribbean
2.) Hunter S. Thompson - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
3.) Trent - Swingers
4.) Ash - Army of Darkness
5.) Royal Tenenbaum - The Royal Tenenbaums

As you can see, Johnny Depp is on my list twice, which is extremely inconsequential. I just wanted to point it out. Anyone else want in on this?

I need to do something different and exciting with this site. Any ideas? The only one I refuse to honor is to give the site laser death vision, mainly because I've received this request so often, and I've tried to honor it, but it's too hard to keep the googly eyes stuck to the computer. Other than that, though, I'll try just about anything.



Alright, I'll even try laser death vision, but I don't think it's the solution to my problem.

Being employed is not all it's cracked up to be. I want to impart this little snippet upon all of my friend's desperately seeking jobs. Sure, you will have money to pay for things. Sure, you don't have to sit at home all day doing nothing. However, you have to deal with fire-breathing hellspawn like my boss. This is the biggest detractor, as far as I can tell, of my current job. She's one of those people who, regardless of how well things are going, needs to find something to be miserable about. I came in at noon today, because I'm staying until eight tonight, and she came in around 1:30, and here's a run down of what she has yelled at me about so far, followed by how she said it (let me remind you all before you begin that I work at the religious school at a synagogue...you wouldn't expect much hassle there, would you?):

- handing her two pieces of mail separately, and not in one pile ("You're going to drive me to drink if you hand me all my mail separately")
- playing my music too loud, even though it's at the same volume it's been since I started at work here in May ("That is not the kind of thing we want people to hear when they first come through the door")
- the copier breaking ("I hope you've already called to fix it and told them it's an emergency, because you need to use that copier")
- asking her a question about a mailing she wants me to put together ("Do you mind? Can't you see I'm checking my e-mail?!")
- finishing all my work in a timely manner and then checking my e-mail ("If we are't finding enough things to keep you busy, let us know, so we can come up with more projects.")
- not getting someone's name on an unimportant phone number ("I think we need to teach you something about answering the phone correctly.")
- doing something right yesterday (seriously) ("If you could only keep up that pace all the time, I wouldn't have to worry about you getting behind.")

Ahh, yes. This is why I love coming into work in the mornings. The one thing it is instilling in me is a willingness to take just about any job I can get in Chicago, as they all have to be better than this.